Change happens. It is inevitable and healthy. It is a sign of personal growth.
That growth in my life has come in more than a few areas. In some, I’ve been blooming, coming into my own, finding my space and my people. I’ve been pruning too; gently clipping back time with those who don’t have my best interests at heart. Working on those little lazy habits that I’ve formed that leave me feeling inadequate and frustrated.
I’ve found myself deeply craving the company of radically inclusive women, true friends who share my morals, my ethics, my life view, who stand up for one another and refuse to ally themselves with judgemental and hurtful people. People who bring the magic out of me and not the madness. I started a Moon Circle with a dear friend, bringing together these wonderful creatures, where we hold space for one another and for ourselves. Where we explore who we are and how we feel outside of ‘just being a parent’. Where we have flower crowns and clay offering bowls and laughter and tears and candles and hand-holding and joy and intimacy.
I started the year feeling a little uninspired with MamaPixie, my business. The name was no longer sitting right with me and I couldn’t work out why. I worked with the brilliant Suzy Ashworth, completing one of her business coaching courses and found myself more focused on the message I wanted to share with others, what my voice is for and why I matter. After a run of… interesting challenges with work, this was very much needed!
I was struck, quite forcibly one day, by the realisation that my business name wasn’t working for me any more. It no longer reflected who I am, my message, my growth, the direction I want to nurture my business in. It was hard to let go of the MamaPixie name. I thought that it might feel like betraying why I started a business in the first place, but honestly? It made sense to change. I started off making children’s clothing and dressing-up items, moving into baby carriers and baby-wearing accessories, and now those just don’t reflect the deep draw I have to birth work.
It took me all of 48 hours to decide on my new name.
After deciding a name change was in order, I went to Whitby for a weekend alone for some healing after a challenging client that happened at the same time as a big personal situation. I hiked alone for hours along the coast, with no sound except my own breathing and the birds. I sat in the sea and contemplated my path, where I was choosing to expend my energy, what I want my future to look like. I did tarot on the beach with the waves crashing as my soundtrack. The fierce coastal winds blew away some cobwebs and filled me with fresh energies and enthusiasm. The solitude and silence, space to heal and to question, was divine. My longest spoken conversation for the entire weekend was with a bartender to decide what gin I wanted in my gloriously alone gin and tonic, which I drank whilst reading a new rupi kaur book and eating my body weight in halloumi cheese fries.
After Whitby, my family and I went to Greece for the wedding of two dear friends of ours. I was Best Woman to the Groom, a friend I have known over a decade, and it was so unbelievably special being part of their day. But the highlight wasn’t the traditional Greek bakery next door that we visited every morning for breakfast and their amazing pastries and bread, it wasn’t the freshly caught fish and calamari with my family, it wasn’t late-night homemade tzatziki with my new adopted Greek mother, it wasn’t the fact that weddings remind me of how much I love my husband (although *all* of those moments were truly wonderful).
It was swimming in the Aegean Sea.
I swam out so far that I could no longer feel the sand under my feet.
I swam so far out that I couldn’t hear the laughter and chatter from the beach.
I swam so far out that I was suspended in nothing but the ocean and my own connection to whatever energy you believes resides in the Universe.
And I just had this overwhelming feeling of joy and it bubbled over and I laughed and yelled “I’M IN THE AEGEAN SEA!” and just knew. I knew I was on the right path, on *my* path. I knew that I was strong and worthy and valuable and loved and loving and all those good feelings.
I’ve been riding that high for four weeks now. Four glorious weeks. Renewed energy and spark in all areas of my life, as a mother, as a wife, as a friend, as a doula…
I’d like to share that joy with you as I move forward into the next new and exciting evolution of my business, and myself…
A name that honours that no matter how much we plan, birth has a wild element to it. A powerful primalness that cannot be ignored and instead should be embraced, welcomed.
A name that draws on the traditional correspondences of copper as being connected to bringing the heart and mind together. Of energy conduction and healing.
A name that reflects the changes in our bodies and ourselves as we nurture life, both within and without ourselves. A reminder that this is all indeed ‘just a phase’.